Since then, Jessica said, the Vitamix box has been “occupied” by at least one and sometimes two cats at a time. Mere seconds after setting down the Vitamix box, in the moments before we would’ve opened it and happily put our exciting new blender to use, Max (also known as the sentient soccer ball) spotted the box and, assuming it was for him, hopped right up on top,” Jessica wrote. “We are the devoted servants of a trio of cats who go by the names of Max George, Destroyer of Worlds and Lando Calrissian. But while it arrived safely, things took a turn for the worse shortly after in what Jessica describes as their first mistake. On Black Friday, the couple found a great deal and ordered the device. Jessica and her wife, Nikii, had long coveted the Vitamix to help the former get enough fibre and because the latter just loved smoothies. In a post to the company’s Facebook page, Jessica Gerson-Neeves laid out the issue. Unfortunately for one Victoria couple, it also functions as a cat attractant. The Vitamix, at a cost of around $400, undoubtedly does all three. Does it chop up ice? Spinach? Frozen bananas? "Everything is so overwhelming and so painful right now that people are desperately in need of things they can just laugh at.When you select a blender, you’re probably worried about how well, it, well, blends. "It is silly and ridiculous and very low stakes and not an actual problem and just something that people can laugh at," she adds. Those include people experiencing seasonal depression, exhausted health care workers and even one woman "who said that her husband had been profoundly depressed for a long time and this was the first time she'd seen him smile in months," Gerson-Neeves recalls. Gerson-Neeves says she has been particularly moved by the comments that their growing audience leaves on Facebook, both the hilarious and the heartfelt. While no video evidence was caught of the unfortunate incident, his occupation of the annexed territory was immediately preceded by possibly the single least graceful dismount in the history of felinehood (felinity? Whatever), which somehow involved the sentient soccer ball first smacking headfirst into a wall immediately prior to pulling a fly-you-fools, briefly hanging off of the side of the Vitamix box." "At the cusp of the third-yes, THIRD-week of Appliancegate, we return to the saga to find that the Questionably Sentient Dust Bunny has settled in for the night shift atop the Vitamix. I think we all are very much in need of something that is silly and low stakes right now." "But why would we end something that is bringing us so much laughter? The cats are having a good time, and so many other people are enjoying this as well. It would be very easy to pick whoever's on the box up and put them on the floor and open the box," Gerson-Neeves says. But she says she and her wife aren't in a rush to end the stalemate since it's providing some much-needed levity. They could, of course, be hoisted off the box at any point. Gerson-Neeves stressed in a phone interview that the cats aren't literally holding the Vitamix hostage. The cats' page has grown from 64 followers to some 25,000, as people around the world learn about the story. The youngest troublemaker is Max, a tuxedo cat with the alias "sentient soccer ball." Then there's George, Destroyer of Worlds ("that's what's on his tag," Gerson-Neeves says), also known as "sentient potato." Rounding out the group is Lando Calrissian, who moonlights in the posts as "questionably sentient dust bunny" because, according to Gerson-Neeves, "he has a lot of fluff and very few thoughts." The posts read like dispatches from the front lines of a high-stakes battle, documenting the trio's every move and their humans' unsuccessful attempts to disrupt them.
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